1. How do you put down a tenor saxophone?
    Confuse it with a bass clarinet
  2. What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet?
    Storing the ashes from the rest of the instrument
  3. What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
  4. A man walked out to a meat store looking for some brains for dinner. He looked at the selections:
    Flute Brains, $1/lb
    Tuba Brains, $10/lb
    Percussion Brains, $5/lb
    Clarinet Brains, $100/lb
    He asked the butcher why clarinet brains were so expensive.
    The butcher replied, "Do you know how many clarinets you have to kill to get a pound of brains?"
  5. How do you stop an oboe from being stolen?
    Put it in a clarinet case
  6. What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
    No one cries when you chop a clarinet into little pieces
  7. How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
    Cut the noose
  8. What's the deffinition of a nerd?
    Someone who has their own personal alto clarinet